hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Randomize
