You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
