I can't watch pbs sober anymore
I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
Randomize
