i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
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