I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
My Higher Power is John Stamos
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
