it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Randomize
