hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Randomize
