i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Randomize
