New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
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