Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
i came on her dog
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
Do you have feelings for this penis?
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
Randomize
