my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
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