Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
Randomize