We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
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