just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
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