I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
this boner is exhausting
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
The adults are the big ones right?
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
