Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
