Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
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