were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
Randomize
