And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
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