you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
