No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
