in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
