either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
Liz is crying about burritos again.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Randomize
