So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
