i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Randomize
