why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
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