remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
Randomize
