Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
Randomize