I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
Randomize
