My first STD was from a foam party
I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Randomize
