I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
My liver just had a heart attack.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Randomize
