I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Randomize
