whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
Randomize
