After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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