In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
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