I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
You made out with two different species that night
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
2020 sucks, I want a refund
Randomize
