this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Randomize
