remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
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