Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
