Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
Randomize
