how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Randomize
