Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
