A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
Also, beer. Big fan.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
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