yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
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