So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
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