i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize