these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
Randomize
