I wanna bring you to show and tell
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Randomize
