That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
Randomize
