my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
