Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
she woke up with a sticky ear
two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
Randomize
