Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
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