Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
I am midnight drunk by noon
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
Randomize
