man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
