i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Randomize
