How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
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