That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
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