I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Randomize
