Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Randomize
