i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Randomize
