No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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