I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
