YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
Randomize
