he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize