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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
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