It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
