I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
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