1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
No subtext here. People are naked.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Randomize
