She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
Randomize
