Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
