You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
Randomize
