I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize