I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
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