did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
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