I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
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