so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
