I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
