I accidentally had phone sex last night
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
Randomize
