Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
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