She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
