What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
